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But, because there’s probably some poor bloke out there with a crippling porn addiction who is Google-ing this email in a panic attack, let me stop real quick to say, it’s OK. Breathe. While the password on mine is indeed a real password… it’s one I haven’t used since I was in college which means it’s a decade and a half old and they probably got it one of the big password leaks from a few years back. If you’re still using some really old password that has leaked in the past (and like… why would you do that? Does that seems smart to you?) freaking CHANGE that thing RIGHT NOW everywhere you use it and you’re fine. Captain Extortionpants is just trying to trick you into giving him some of those sweet sweet bitcoins (I mean… I can’t even write that with a straight face) so don’t fall for the scam, just be smarter about changing your passwords more often from now on. K?

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